Posted by
Barnabas on Thursday, July 20, 2006 4:34:30 PM
Modern folk are often surprised by the wisdom and clarity of Puritan thought. I had a graduate student once, who, upon completing an assignment to read and summarize three of Jonathan Edwards' sermons, exclaimed "How can something that is so old be so great?"
The following is some sage advice from
Richard Baxter (1615-1691) on How to Avoid Marriage Conflict.
1. Keep alive your love for one another. Love your spouse dearly and fervently. Love will suppress wrath; you cannot be bitter over little things with someone you dearly love; much less will you descend to harsh words, aloofness, or any form of abuse.
2. Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and strong self centered feelings. These are the feelings which cause intolerance and insensitivity. You must pray and labour for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word that seems to assault your selfesteem.
3. Do not forget that you are both diseased persons, full of infirmities; and therefore expect the fruit of those infirmities in each other; and do not act surprised about it, as if you had never known of it before. Decide to be patient with one another; remembering that you took one another as sinful, frail, imperfect persons, and not as angels, or as blameless and perfect.
4. Remember still that your are one flesh; and therefore be no more offended with the words or failings of each other, than you would be if they were your own. Be angry with your wife for her faults no more than you are angry with yourself for your own.
5. Agree together beforehand, that when one of you is sinfully angry and upset the other shall silently and gently bear it until you have come to your sanity.
6. Have an eye to the future and remember that you must live together until death, and must be the companions of each other's lives, and the comforts of each other's lives, and then you will see how absurd it is for you to disagree and upset each other.
7. As far as you are able, avoid all occasions of wrath and quarreling, about the matters of your families.
8. If you are so angry that you cannot calm yourself at least control your tongue and do not speak hurtful and taunting words.
9. Let the calm and rational spouse speak carefully and compellingly reason with the other. Usually a few sober, grave admonitions, will prove as water to the boiling pot.
10. When you have sinfully acted towards your spouse confess to one another; and ask for forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon; and this will act as a preventative in you the next time: you will surely be ashamed to do that which you have confessed and asked forgiveness for of God and man.
Extracted and modernized by Scott Andersen. Complete article is here.